The Nice Girl's Guide to Saying No Once and for All

Any reasonably successful businesswoman has been asked it a thousand times before: "Could I just pick your brain for a second?" What are you supposed to say? "No, sorry, shop's closed" or how about " Sure, here's my hourly rate." Somehow when posed with those dreaded nine words, most of us begrudgingly acquiesce and then kick ourselves through the whole hour long conversation. Here are 4 common scenarios and how to say no and still sound (reasonably) nice.

* Problem Scenario 1: You're at a networking meeting and you encounter someone who's just getting into your line of work. They want a few seconds of your time on the spot.

Solution: You let them pose the question to which inevitably you've spent the last 20 years finding the solution. You politely let them know that that's a very involved answer and perhaps they should email your assistant so she can get them on your calendar for a 15 minute consultation. Why this works: It puts the ball in their court, requires them to take action and gets you off the spot so you can think of how to turn them down better in the future. Plus, it implies that the advice might come at a price.

* Problem Scenario 2: You get an email from the dreaded "friend of a friend." They've heard such great things about you and would love to just "pick your brain" for a sec. Could they buy you lunch?

Solution: You email them back (and NOT the same day they emailed you) and tell them how thrilled you are that Minnie recommended them. Because you are inundated with requests to chat, would they mind emailing you their question(s) and why they think you're be the best person to answer it/them. Why this works: Because it's making them work. They have to actually time the time to narrow down their questions, think about what they want and actually make sure that they impress you enough with the "why me" portion to make it worth your while to answer. Most people don't want to take the time to go through those hoops so they'll give up.

* Problem Scenario 3: Someone wants to hire you and you know they are a 7.5 on the high maintenance Richter Scale. How do you say no?

Solution: You hear them out and then ask a few questions. (If you don't at least listen, you're not really being fair. They might surprise you, but don't give them an hour.) Why do they think you're the one to work with them? What have they done on their own to solve the problem/bring the product to market, etc? Once you've got a grasp of the "why you" part, you let them know that you're schedule is just too full at this time to take them on as a client. Why this works: Even if your schedule is about as full as an eskimo beach, it's true, you DON'T have time for the wrong client. Politely refer them (if you can) to someone whom you think would be a better fit. How can somebody possibly insist that you really DO have time for them? They can't.

* Problem Scenario 4: You're so accommodating that you accept lunch/coffee/a conference call that gets way out of bounds. Before you know it Ms. Pushy wants you to tell them about all of your favorite vendors, the deal you got and who can they ask for when they say you referred them.

Solution: Let them know that you would just love to help them but unfortunately answering all of those questions would take a lifetime and you've got to jump on another call/appointment in the next 10 minutes. (You do after all, it's an appointment with YOURSELF to get your own priorities handled.) If they keep pushing, you let them know that part of succeeding in business is finding your own way and encountering people with whom you work the best. Why this works: Because it's true. No one can do all of the heavy lifting for you. You could also suggest that they seek out a business coach in their industry who can help guide them. There are lots of people ready and willing to help budding entrepreneurs grow their businesses - for a price. And hey, the next time they call, that business coach just might be you.

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