Cut the Damn Tape Already! Sheesh
As small business owners, the line between personal and professional life often blurs, making it hard to disconnect. Whether it's stress from a bad day at work following us home or personal issues affecting our business, we all have those negative "tapes" playing in our minds. The tape is that critical voice that tells us we're not good enough, and it can be tough to shake off. Here are five tips to cut the tape: identify what it says, rewrite the script, focus on what you want, accept that everyone has one, and practice shutting it down. It’s a process, but we all deal with it. What's your tape saying today?
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As most of my loyal readers know, I usually write about what I actually need to learn. Kind of that whole “teach it so you know it” kind of gig, right? Or in my slang terms, it’s “pot meet kettle time.” I want to toss that out there because those REALLY close to me know that I struggle as much with this stuff as you guys do and I don’t want you to think for ONE SECOND that I’ve got this sitch licked. Far from it.
As small business owners and entrepreneurs, I find that there’s a lot of bleed between our personal and business lives. Meaning, it’s very hard to disconnect from a bad day at the “office” especially when the “office” happens to be your dining room table. Now that I have graduated to the super cheerful big leagues of paying an office mortgage and a full staff, it still hasn’t gotten any easier to disconnect once I close up for the day. My work preoccupations follow me like a lazy cloud wherever I seem to go. Natch.
But wait! There’s more! (You know I love my Sham-Wow moments.) The reverse is also true. When we don’t feel like we’re on our game personally, it weighs us down in business. I don’t know about you, but when you feel icky at home, it’s hard to try and sell, negotiate with vendors, etc because you just don’t feeeeellll so hot. (Special note: I was recently dissed by a 70 year old dude. Can you IMAGINE how that was on the ego? Not that he was the love of my life, but for real? How’d I manage to get ix’nayed? Let’s just say that I didn’t get a whole lot off my to do list done for the next few days while I brooded mercilessly.)
So what’s the point? It’s time to cut the tape, or at least learn how to do it. What’s “the tape?” I think I first heard about this from Anthony Robbins. The tape is that nasty, insidious little voice that crawls into your brain, sits like mold and then worms it’s way into a mediocre day. It then starts bubbling up with nonsense like “Of course you didn’t close that bride, she could sense you were in over your head from the get go.” Whatever your “tape” says, it’s usually not good. Lots of times the tape reflects on our self worth, not charging enough, etc.
So here are 5 tips on how to cut it, Goddess style.
- What does your tape say? Write out the script, as lame as it sounds. One of my tapes goes something like this: “He hasn’t texted you lately because he found out what a high maintenance fool you are and he’s over it.” Reality? He hasn’t texted because guys often don’t have the same sense of time that chicks do and oh by the way, he had strep throat.
- Rewrite the script. Once you write it out, you can rewrite it. Just like I teach you guys in sales about managing your clients’ objections. Do it here. If the tape starts with “He hasn’t texted because I’m a loser,” switch it to “He hasn’t texted because the best guy ever is clearing his calendar for me.” Or whatever nonsense feels good to you.
- Focus on what you want. Every time the dumb voice shows up, do what Jack Canfield suggests in his great CD series, Maximum Confidence, and say “Cancel, cancel.” It’s like an acknowledgement of yes, I hear you, but no, I’m not going to pay any attention to your nonsense, lame-o.
- Accept that we all have one. If you think the beautiful girl down the street isn’t suffering similar anxiety it’s because you don’t know her well enough or she’s lying. Even Christy Brinkley’s got a tape; I’m sure of it. Knowing that you’re not alone somehow makes us feel better. Want to know what the rest of my tapes say? Tweet me @ThePartyGoddess and hope I’m buzzed; you’ll get an earful back.
- Practice. It is not easy to cut the damn tape. Seriously! It should be, but it’s not. The tape lives in those grooves in your brain and didn’t get there overnight. You have to practice saying “Cancel, cancel.” You have to practice replacing the negative voice with a positive affirmation. And then when you realize you got off track? Get back on the damn track and practice again. If none of us relapsed, Betty Ford wouldn’t have a waiting list.
So what do you think? What does your tape say? Does this article resonate with you? Sound off below because even I like to know I’m not alone!
Xo Marley