The Goddess & Her Real Life Airline Horror Stories, Relived
Last week I flew on a very looooong and expensivvveee flight to my industry convention in Orlando and the last thing I was expecting were airline horror stories. The short version is that I had a little tickle in my throat, could NOT stop coughing (natch), and (double natch) Lisa Kudrow was in the seat in front of me, (will be very difficult to get her as a client now) and let’s just say, she probably wished I wasn’t choking on my esophagus right there mid-flight. But I was.
I asked the attendant for some hot water with lemon and honey to soothe aforementioned throat (and try and respect Miss Lisa's air space) and I was met with: “We don’t have honey.” OK great.
Business lesson 101:
Please be pleasant to consumers paying full fares on last minute tickets. Ahem: (The airline industry is not exactly the most stable.)
They did, however, have the hot water and the lemon (and what felt like a year later later) I was presented with it.
And it was full of bleach.
Except, I didn't know that at the time, because if you really want to know, I was so self conscious that a freaking celebrity (yes, it happens to me too) was sitting in front of me that I would've taken a few extra swigs had I thought it would've made any damn difference and mellowed out the struggling and muffled chicken in my throat.
So I kept sipping, CONVINCED I was not actually tasting bleach, that it was somehow the lemon in the thing or the reaction to the cough drop I had just finished. Anything but to believe I was being poisoned.
Now, was I being poisoned? Well, not intentionally at the time (although the airline is probably reconsidering that at the moment with all of these blog posts) but I, unfortunately, was the one person upon take off who wanted hot water, no tea or coffee to mask the taste, and I caught the fact that their pipes leading to the hot water for tea, coffee and other whatevers had been cleaned with bleach. How did I know? Because when I went to wash my hands and try to literally wipe the poison off my tongue in the lavatory, the same smell was coming out of the faucet. Net/net: It was through the whole water system. I actually did a very challenging post-video recount on the whole thing if you're just dying for more deets.
I didn't die, but I'm glad I finally got it together and stood up for myself and said, um, something is wrong with this and even when the second round came (and it was worse and the stewardess - can you say that anymore? swore that it was ok even though the guy next to me was literally wrenching just because of the smell alone) I scraped my tongue, switched beverages to BOTTLED water, tried to nap and vowed to go work on my OWN business and its issues. Because none of us is perfect.
Which leads me to an opportunity for you. My bad = your good.
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Oh, and Ms. Kudrow? What a freaking class act. And should she ever read this, again, so sorry from the challenged brunette behind you in 3C. xx
What are YOUR fav airline horror stories? Do share in the comments below!
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Goddess, your experience was one of many horror stories about flying. I found it amusing although you had to suffer. The ‘bleach’ episode can be explained, the airlines use bleach as a method of disinfecting the water aboard the water in the pipes. They should have used peroxide for that, it is strong but suitable for humans.
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They totally screwed up! Definitely amusing although I almost died! From here on out, I’m buying bottled water!